Today's Prompt:
A con cam who convinces people they've been abducted by aliens and takes their money... is abducted by aliens.
Today I start the story of me, Josh Heinrich. Not because I'm a good writer or anything, don't go getting your hopes up for something real decent. Unfortunately, I am being compelled to write this due to... well its a long story. Let's just say I've learned a few new things about the universe, and many of you aren't going to like it.
So there I was, just a few days ago, minding my own business. Literally, I was tending to the business I run. I'm a lawyer for very reputable firm for clients with a .... supernatural claim, shall we say? I defend those poor souls who no one believes. I - Shut Up, will you? I'm telling the story! Anyway, I was listening to a client go on and on about his strange, unexplained abduction experience - I told you to shut up, I don't care what you think.... No!... Fine. I had to show the man that his strange skin marks were marks from Alien Probation - ALRIGHT, FINE! I convinced the guy that he'd been abducted by aliens, good grief. Happy now? May I continue? Thank you.
Like I said, minding my own business when I closed up shop and went out to get my car. No, I did not get the car by swindling. So what if I... Argh alright. One of my previous clients was a rich heiress from New York who was convinced that she had seen an alien and wanted me to prove it. And yes, I bought an Aston Martin Vanquish with the money from that stupid bimbo. Happy? I apologize, she wasn't a bimbo... although she was as dumb as a redneck blond. Argh... I'm sorry about the blond joke. Moving on...I got into my Vanquish and started driving home. Now there was this stretch of road for about fifteen minutes where there were no streetlights of any kind so it was pretty dark. I hurried home... okay I was going 30 over on my way home. But who wouldn't, with a car like mine, I mean seriously- Sorry, I'm sorry. In the middle of the dark stretch I suddenly was blinded by this incredibly bright blue beam that hit me square in the eyes. In my moment of panic, I cried out and swerved as I-yes, my girlish squeals have now been duly noted, thanks a lot. Instead of running off the road however, I found myself floating. Myself, the car, my double shot latte in the cupholder, all floating up to the sky. It was darker than a night filled with black snow that multiplied exponentially every surface it it. The darkness, the weirdly suffocating blackness surrounding me, and the fact that I was now a good five stories above the street, made me dizzy. I passed out momentarily.
The next couple of hours get a little fuzzy. I was in and out, drifting aimlessly in the vast abyss that is my mind- really? Really? Fine, I admit that I was drooling and I don't have an endless intellect. Look, all I remember were these strange faces with distorted eyes, sparkly skin, and an abundance of fur in all the wrong places. The next thing I know I'm back on the side of the road, sitting in my Vanquish. Thinking it was all a dream, I shook it off, laughed a bit then pulled back onto the road. It was in those few moments that I believed that I would go on living the rest of my life normally. No. I was wrong. I was incredibly wrong. For you see, while I was in the care of those freakazoids they decided to implant part of their technology into my brain. It calls itself my Conscience, and boy is it a big pain in my- Yes! You are a huge inconvenience. See? You're doing it again, interrupting me.
Anyway, my Conscience is compelling me to write this public apology to my clients and to vindicate them in saying.... do I have to say it? Okay, okay, stop nagging me! I have now become an abductee, just like I told them that they were. Gee, this Conscience is really cramping my style. You mean people actually have these things in their head naturally? How do they function? Well... I guess I'll learn.
Hope you all enjoyed that. This is Meg, signing off.
IN CASUS PERGIT
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