To say I've had a lot on my mind lately could possibly be the understatement of the century. Between homework, work work, and the gripping panic of My Future jumping out at me I've been feeling, shall we say thrashed? So here are a few things I have learned.
I have self-inflicted narcolepsy. Without fail, every day I fall asleep in at least one class. It doesn't help that my Critical Theory class is held from nine until eleven, in a theater with comfy seats, where it's usually warm, where my professor turns down the lights, and then proceeds to read from not a Power Point presentation but a scrolling Word document. My body doesn't stand a chance. My roomies laugh at me because I have developed a curse where I can now sleep anywhere I sit; the couch, the back seat of a car, in a church pew, essentially anywhere I can hold still. I'd like to blame genetics for it, but knowing my sleeping patterns of late shows me for what I am: a glutton for punishment.
Catharsis for me comes through crying and cookie dough conversations. One of the best ways for me figure things out comes after a great deal of tears and deep conversations shared over chocolate chip cookie dough. Emotional purging and drowning in cookie dough bliss is usually best followed up by a hot bubble bath, unfortunately I have yet to have time for even that. I'll get there, I'm sure.
There is more than one way to work out. I found that just doing laundry can be quite exhausting. Hence the reason for the bag of clean laundry sitting at the edge of my bed for the last 2 weeks. I've even added to it since then after doing another guilt infested load and not folding it. #the washing machines are all the way downstairs.
You can't have the good without the bad. You can't have the sweet without the sour. The absence of sadness is not happiness. After living Megan's Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day, there were many thoughts of "Anyone else have a bone to pick with me? Because I'm ready to surrender and throw in that towel?" Then I went to sleep, woke up to a new day and found a fresh start. The depths I felt the day before ( which I know is nowhere near some of the tragedies and heartache that most people go through, I am very blessed! ) became the valley to the mountain of excitement and joy I felt the next day. And it wasn't even that I suddenly had all these magical, inciting incident worthy experiences that day. It was just that I had a greater appreciation for the little "tender mercies" as my dear Young Women's President used to say (I know she still does). All I needed was to have some heavenly light shed upon my path.
As I prepare to make some pretty big decisions about my future and what I want to do with it, I thank God every day for the friends and family He's given me. Even though I don't always feel worthy of affection, I can always find it with those angels God put near me. I got to enjoy a celebration of friendship yesterday when my dear room mates made this lovely masterpiece for my 21st Birthday Party.
Obviously, I'm the old fart in this apartment as the second youngest. What can you do? Love them, I suppose. Well, in any case, I just wanted to tell everyone that even if you feel low, perhaps like a plastic bag drifting through the wind (STOP! stop, stop, no more!) that better times are always ahead. I know it sounds like a cop out to say, "Oh, you just need to change your attitude." I wouldn't always say attitude, but perspective would do it. I hope you all enjoyed this. Hopefully, I'll be back next week, one year older and wiser too.
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